You know I read them all — and can relate. My first big piece ran in The Boston Globe’s version of “Modern Love” in 2008 about signing a prenup. Thankfully there was no Instagram yet because I was skewered plenty in the comments about being a gold digger. It toughened me up for my next piece, which ran in The Washington Post about the saga of possibly having triplets; people throughout the comments took jabs at me for not knowing what to expect while others defended me reminding them to actually read the piece that explained clearly I had not done IVF; that I was spontaneously pregnant with three babies and frightened by doctors. I’ve hardened enough for my fashion essay collection to be released this Fall…and won’t read any comments.
We need Basement Dwellers, if for nothing else...a good laugh!
Here's the deal. If you’re not pissing somebody off, you’re probably not doing anything worthwhile. People love to get offended, and others love to feel important by tearing down what others are creating—yet, as you pointed out, they’re not creating anything themselves. And that’s okay. We need those people. Imagine how dull life would be if everyone were endlessly supportive and encouraging. It’d be like living under permanently blue skies—pleasant, sure, but without the contrast of a storm, there’s no real depth or drama in our lives.
That said, we’re only human. No matter how much we try to avoid them, negative comments have a way of getting under our skin. You can receive 50 glowing reviews, but it’s that one negative remark that makes you question everything. It’s called negativity bias—it’s how we’re wired. And for us creatives, the struggle is even more personal. Few things are as intimate as putting your thoughts into words and sending them into the world. When someone criticizes that, it creates a conflict—your work is valuable, so why is someone tearing it down? Your ego steps in to resolve that contradiction, and in doing so, it lingers on the negativity.
But here’s the truth, Anna: You are good! As an author, a mom, a wife, and a beautifully imperfect human willing to put yourself out there so that someone else can learn to deal with the basement dwellers. And that is worth more than a thousand comments. #LiveRemarkably
I read the comments and reviews on my stuff. My challenge has been not to ENGAGE with them. If you put work out there publicly, you will inevitably get some bad comments, so for me, the real challenge is accepting that and not taking it personally.
I write non-fiction, so my case is different; but also the same.
I don't read reviews,for the reasons you mention. Instead, I ask my wife to read the 1 to 3 star reviews and write a list of anything she thinks useful.
It's usually a very short list, but there are occasional nuggets.
You know I read them all — and can relate. My first big piece ran in The Boston Globe’s version of “Modern Love” in 2008 about signing a prenup. Thankfully there was no Instagram yet because I was skewered plenty in the comments about being a gold digger. It toughened me up for my next piece, which ran in The Washington Post about the saga of possibly having triplets; people throughout the comments took jabs at me for not knowing what to expect while others defended me reminding them to actually read the piece that explained clearly I had not done IVF; that I was spontaneously pregnant with three babies and frightened by doctors. I’ve hardened enough for my fashion essay collection to be released this Fall…and won’t read any comments.
Love everything you do Anna. You’re a keeper.👍🏻🙌Keep on unapologetically doing you.💃🏼🥂
We need Basement Dwellers, if for nothing else...a good laugh!
Here's the deal. If you’re not pissing somebody off, you’re probably not doing anything worthwhile. People love to get offended, and others love to feel important by tearing down what others are creating—yet, as you pointed out, they’re not creating anything themselves. And that’s okay. We need those people. Imagine how dull life would be if everyone were endlessly supportive and encouraging. It’d be like living under permanently blue skies—pleasant, sure, but without the contrast of a storm, there’s no real depth or drama in our lives.
That said, we’re only human. No matter how much we try to avoid them, negative comments have a way of getting under our skin. You can receive 50 glowing reviews, but it’s that one negative remark that makes you question everything. It’s called negativity bias—it’s how we’re wired. And for us creatives, the struggle is even more personal. Few things are as intimate as putting your thoughts into words and sending them into the world. When someone criticizes that, it creates a conflict—your work is valuable, so why is someone tearing it down? Your ego steps in to resolve that contradiction, and in doing so, it lingers on the negativity.
But here’s the truth, Anna: You are good! As an author, a mom, a wife, and a beautifully imperfect human willing to put yourself out there so that someone else can learn to deal with the basement dwellers. And that is worth more than a thousand comments. #LiveRemarkably
Anna,
I just want to say this is in the top 3 newsletters I'm subscribed to. It's you, Ash Ambrige, and Elizabeth Gilbert. I freaking love your emails.
I've been thinking of starting a Substack and this has been so inspiring.
Now back to my doing.
xo
d
I read the comments and reviews on my stuff. My challenge has been not to ENGAGE with them. If you put work out there publicly, you will inevitably get some bad comments, so for me, the real challenge is accepting that and not taking it personally.
I write non-fiction, so my case is different; but also the same.
I don't read reviews,for the reasons you mention. Instead, I ask my wife to read the 1 to 3 star reviews and write a list of anything she thinks useful.
It's usually a very short list, but there are occasional nuggets.