This is such a raw, insightful, and beautifully grounded reflection. Thank you for sharing it so openly.
That realization- that the early big breaks weren’t setting the tone for the rest of life, but rather moments of grace- really hits hard.
It’s both sobering and strangely freeing. Because once we stop chasing the idea of “forever peaking,” we get to build something more lasting: stability, ownership, and meaning on our own terms.
Your honesty about envy, nostalgia, and growth is incredibly relatable. So many of us quietly carry that tension between “what was” and “what could still be.”
The fact that you’ve turned that into building a life outside of gatekeepers is not only impressive- it’s inspiring.
I'm glad I'm not a success yet. I can write what I want because I don't have a million customers to offend. I write stories and make YouTube videos that make me happy, and that's all I care about.
I confess this article feels a little paradoxical to me. You did have, by what almost everyone except the few people you mentioned, massive early success- success that most of us here would kill for. And you’re also implying yours were lucky breaks while Matt and McKenzie’s were not? What’s the difference there? It’s because theirs was sustained in this major kind of way but yours less so? That also seems like another form of lucky break on their end. I say this not at all as criticism but with curiosity, because I think this article is very revealing and interesting with regard to the narratives we tell ourselves and how we make sense of our experiences. I also enjoyed this very much as I’m working on a piece right now about the experience of middle age and realizing accomplishment isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, since in my experience it just leads to wanting more. Ex: if you get Modern Love right out of the gate, then that becomes your goal post and it must be disappointing if the next thing doesn’t hit that level of prestige. I’ve personally had a taste of this- as a scientist, I had a string of big breaks (pieces in all the major news outlets, phone calls with US senators) that have been disappointingly hard to replicate. I suppose in that sense it is indeed to think of our successes as “lucky breaks,” rather than the inevitable result of our hard work and talent, since this framing can help us feel good about what we produce regardless of what happens to it (or doesn’t) once it’s out of our hands. Sounds like you’ve been able to make peace with this, which is incredible. Anyway, clearly this piece provoked a lot of thoughts- thanks for sharing this! (Also I loved the photo! The Diet Coke in the foreground is 👌🏼).
I recently read Emma Gannon's interview with Emily Henry in which she said: "I do wish I could have enjoyed the feeling of writing before publishing a little more. A lot of my author friends and I bemoan that while you're striving so desperately to get your work out there, you can't really appreciate the joy that comes from writing just for you, without a thousand other voices in your head."
I think part of the hardship of finding early success is letting those voices enter your head too soon, and never being able to shake them away.
Ever since I read that Emily Henry's quote, I try to relish the joy of writing just for myself. It really is special.
This is such a raw, insightful, and beautifully grounded reflection. Thank you for sharing it so openly.
That realization- that the early big breaks weren’t setting the tone for the rest of life, but rather moments of grace- really hits hard.
It’s both sobering and strangely freeing. Because once we stop chasing the idea of “forever peaking,” we get to build something more lasting: stability, ownership, and meaning on our own terms.
Your honesty about envy, nostalgia, and growth is incredibly relatable. So many of us quietly carry that tension between “what was” and “what could still be.”
The fact that you’ve turned that into building a life outside of gatekeepers is not only impressive- it’s inspiring.
I'm glad I'm not a success yet. I can write what I want because I don't have a million customers to offend. I write stories and make YouTube videos that make me happy, and that's all I care about.
I confess this article feels a little paradoxical to me. You did have, by what almost everyone except the few people you mentioned, massive early success- success that most of us here would kill for. And you’re also implying yours were lucky breaks while Matt and McKenzie’s were not? What’s the difference there? It’s because theirs was sustained in this major kind of way but yours less so? That also seems like another form of lucky break on their end. I say this not at all as criticism but with curiosity, because I think this article is very revealing and interesting with regard to the narratives we tell ourselves and how we make sense of our experiences. I also enjoyed this very much as I’m working on a piece right now about the experience of middle age and realizing accomplishment isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, since in my experience it just leads to wanting more. Ex: if you get Modern Love right out of the gate, then that becomes your goal post and it must be disappointing if the next thing doesn’t hit that level of prestige. I’ve personally had a taste of this- as a scientist, I had a string of big breaks (pieces in all the major news outlets, phone calls with US senators) that have been disappointingly hard to replicate. I suppose in that sense it is indeed to think of our successes as “lucky breaks,” rather than the inevitable result of our hard work and talent, since this framing can help us feel good about what we produce regardless of what happens to it (or doesn’t) once it’s out of our hands. Sounds like you’ve been able to make peace with this, which is incredible. Anyway, clearly this piece provoked a lot of thoughts- thanks for sharing this! (Also I loved the photo! The Diet Coke in the foreground is 👌🏼).
I recently read Emma Gannon's interview with Emily Henry in which she said: "I do wish I could have enjoyed the feeling of writing before publishing a little more. A lot of my author friends and I bemoan that while you're striving so desperately to get your work out there, you can't really appreciate the joy that comes from writing just for you, without a thousand other voices in your head."
I think part of the hardship of finding early success is letting those voices enter your head too soon, and never being able to shake them away.
Ever since I read that Emily Henry's quote, I try to relish the joy of writing just for myself. It really is special.
I will never get tired of that photo - and happy birthday!
really helpful to read this and keep sharing that photo—today is the first time I'd seen it, haha.
What a story! Sitting here in envy, awe, and appreciation for you sharing it. If I was Matt Damon’s ex - I’d share that photo everywhere to…